Quarter Century: Now

I can't believe it has been a year since I last published a blog post! I remember exactly how I was feeling the day I posted the 'big bertha' picture...BIG! Funny thing is, I wasn't even fully pregnant then, I mean, I was in fact pregnant, but I wasn't as big as I was going to get!!! Besides feeling BIG I also felt fat, disgusting, bloated, awful, ugly, over-sized, stretched out... basically I felt the complete opposite of the pregnancy pretty feeling women have reportedly felt. I hated every minute of my growing belly...I was selfish, immature and insensitive. I didn't know how to appreciate what my body was going through and the beautiful being I was actually forming. All i could think about was "omg my pants don't fit", "holy sh*t I have gained 5lbs in one day", "oh great, here's another stretch mark"... And really and truly I didn't appreciate it until Februaury 7th at 3:04 in the afternoon when my cute little bunny nosed, funny shaped cone head son, Lucas Cesar Harvey-Read was born. Just like I can't really explain the fat feeling, despite all the nice comments from friends and family saying I looked 'cute' pregnant, I can't explain the overwhelming feeling I had when my eyes met those of my little boy. In an instant I was in love. That very second, 'I got it'. The world made sense. Despite the pain and recovery I was going through because of the unexpected c-section, I was in heaven with my little Lukey. I no longer cared what the scale read (eventhough I lost about 18lbs in one day!!), I no longer worried about my pants fitting, nothing else mattered.

I look at pregnancy now in a whole new light.

Now I could appreciate what the other moms were telling me when I was pregnant. Now I think a pregnant belly is cute. Now I understand the creepy old women who would randomly want to touch my belly at Publix. The old saying holds truth, hindsight is in fact 20/20. I get it now because I have experienced the most rewarding feeling in the whole world and hey, what's 9 months out of your life anyway? Life is in fact BEAUTIFUL. Enjoy every last breathe and savor the 'now'.

Here's to 9 months and the light at the end of the 'tunnel' (no pun intended)!