QUESTION #1: So, when are you getting married?
Ummm, I don't know. Why don't you let me find a boyfriend that I actually LIKE first and who wants to marry me. More importantly, let me actually be involved in a relationship for awhile with a guy who ISN'T totally freaked out by the idea of getting married. Overbearing aunts, grandmothers, or office-coworkers constant nagging on the topic doesn't exactly help my cause. Why are other people so concerned with when YOU will get married anyway? It is as if they want and need for everyone else to do what THEY did; and if you don't, there is clearly something wrong with you. How do you tell people that you simply haven't met your future husband yet? THAT is when I will get married, actually its this Saturday...
QUESTION #2: So, when is the wedding???
Ummm. I said it was this saturday. but ok, i guess this doesn't apply to all..
Okay, so when you finally DO get engaged; after endless years of people bugging you about doing so; these same people don't give you even five seconds with the ring on your finger before they start in with the wedding date. When is the wedding? Where will it be? I hope I'm invited! That is my favorite one of all: "I hope I am invited." What in the hell am I supposed to say to THAT? Because nine times out of ten, the person who says this is clearly NOT invited. I wish I had the ka-hunas to say, "Actually; person I barely know and only say Hi to because we work in the same office space, you are not invited. You were not even a thought on the Guest List; which, by the way, hasn't been created yet, because I have been engaged for 3 seconds. But if it WERE created, you wouldn't be on it. Ever. Never ever ever. Go away." But I am much too "nice" (HA!) to say that. And I might even be so nice that I would invite them just to avoid the conflict. NOT
QUESTION #3: Sooo, are you getting nervous? Are you excited?
This is a two parter. One usually follows the other. You nervous, you excited? This question starts popping up about two weeks before the wedding. People will sometimes preface it by saying something obvious like, "So, only 5 days before the wedding, huh?" Ummm, yup. And then they hit you with it. "You nervous? You excited?" I know it is a very innocent, "they mean well" type of question. But believe me, after you hear it literally over 50 times in a one week period, you start to become violent. I mean, how are you supposed to respond to this? Yes, I guess I'm nervous. I mean, I wasn't before, but NOW that you mention it, I am. And am I excited? Yes! Of course I am excited. Do you really think I am going to say, "Actually, no. I am not in the least bit excited about marrying the man I'm going to spend my life with. I could care less. But thanks for asking. You're a real trooper!"
QUESTION #4: Soooo, when are you gonna have kids?
Okay, this is quite possibly the most annoying of all the annoying questions. First of all; again, these people don't give you much time at all to get used to the idea of being married. In fact, some of them even start in with this line of questioning before the actual wedding. Or at the wedding events. Or a week after the wedding. I don't mind it so much when it is family asking; because at least they know me. What I hate is when it is some co-worker, who I barely know or talk to, wants to know when I am having children and how many and why? And why do people assume that everyone on earth is planning on having kids anyway? What if I don't want them, or what if I'm unable to have children? I just think this line of questioning is a bit too personal for someone I am only acquaintances with. If I were to have kids, do you really think YOU would be the first person I would tell? Ummm, no. If you and I are close, then you will know. You won't have to ask. The end.
Now, if a few years go by, and you don't end up having kids; then Question #4 will continue until the end of time. If however, you DO have a child; then you would think the questions would stop, right? NO! They don't. They never stop. Then people start in with, "Soooo, will you be having more kids? How many? When? A little sister for baby Lucas to play with? Awwww."
After the kids thing dies down, there really isn't much more to ask. Unfortunately, most people don't really care about all the other accomplishments in your life. If I am starting my own business, If I decided to go to school again fulltime to get my Masters... but most people won't ask me about that stuff. They just want to be the first to know the minute I get pregnant. There is a woman at the office I work at who looks to be about in her seventies. She is always asking me when I am planning on having children. All the time. At least once a week. One of these days when she says, "Sooo, when will you be having kids?", I am going to come back with, "I don't know. When will you be dying? What are you, 70, 80? You're not looking so good. Maybe you should think about throwing in the towel. It's really time."
But that would be cruel. And I don't have the ka-hunas to go through with it. So instead, I hide behind my computer, typing out my frustrations in blog form.
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